Back in Williamsburg — Howdy boys n girls. As you can tell, the Bosch boys are now… well, The Bosch. Why did this happen exactly? Here’s the text of the press release that explains it all, that I just sent over the wire to everyone I could think of…
(BEGIN PRESS RELASE)
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
JUNE 23, 2004
HIERONYMUS BOSCH CHANGES NAME TO THE BOSCH
NYC rockers respond to menacing late-night visitation by famous painters spirit
Williamsburg, Brooklyn — Hieronymus Bosch, the NYC-based rock outfit that has torn up Lower East Side clubs, garnered acclaim for their album “Havin Fun, Soundin’ Good,” and been termed unsigned gold by Skratch Magazine, has changed its name to The Bosch. The bands sound a furious and melodic mixture of surf, garage, and punk rock that the boys term post-surf will remain unchanged.
After a midnight visitation from the spectre of alchemist, painter and famous dead guy, Jerome van Aiken Bosch (a.k.a. Hieronymus Bosch), a visibly spooked Holt Richardson arrived at band rehearsal and demanded that his bandmates change the name of their dynamic post-surf outfit, heretofore known as Hieronymus Bosch, to the easier spelled, pronounced, and Googled moniker, The Bosch.
Explained a visibly perspiring Richardson: }The experience was terrifying. The odor was simultaneously putrid and pleasant. It was like if you dredged the bottom of the East River to the surface, and then covered it with potpourri. Jerome told me he was sick of all these foreign bands [also named Hieronymus Bosch, one a Goth outfit from New Zealand, the other a metal band from Russia] with their eyeliner, big hair and gravelly voices, smearing my name with their crapola morbidity. Just because I painted the ultimate failing of humanity, the martyrdom of saints, and the corruption of man by the wiles of women, doesnt mean I have no sense of humor. Jeez!
It was totally nuts. It really scared the shit out of me, to see Holt like that. He looked like a frickin ghost, and his pants were soaked. Hed pissed himself and run from his house to tell us, said bandleader Matt Harrison, with the proverbial thousand-yard stare penetrating the concrete wall just beyond his arms reach.
Yeah, Id just joined the band, and I loved the tunes, but thought the name was pretty gay. Im glad Holt did some bad acid, or whatever, and decided to finally axe that whole Hieronymus part, offered four-string finger ace and hipstermeister Brett Beyer.
Richardson concluded his tale of terror: Jerome told us we would do him the most honor by changing our name to, simply, The Bosch. It would set us apart, as he put it, from the humorless numbers whove curdled the name that was his alone for centuries, and yet wed still be paying him tribute. After all, Italian Scholars know him simply as Il Bosco.
Andrew Raff, ever legally-focused and pragmatic, had only this to say: “Yeah, it is ultimately good news. Aside from the numerous legal reasons, the amount of paper, ink and electrons we save by cutting seven letters from the band name will put us that much closer to a future of champagne-soaked trips hunting whales in a hovercraft.”
THE BOSCH — same rock, fewer syllables!
Matt Harrison (917) 755-1995 Harrison@hbosch.net
(END PRESS RELASE)
There you have it, folks. Look for me oglin’ the reborn Bosch Friday night at Luna!
– Josiah A. Pseudonym